“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.” Anna Quindlen
What metrics do you use to define success?
I was reading an article recently that described an ad. It was a drawing of a young man with a calm, satisfied look on his face - a bit aloof. The text below the photo said, “Untroubled by your definition of success.”
The message resonated. First, because this sounded like my own older son. But also because while there are many commonly held metrics for success, there’s also so much variation.
How do personal definitions of success align with—and deviate from—the ways in which others define it?
This time in the world, and in my life, has made me rethink my own views on success. And there are the big and the small. For example, when I saw the grilled cheese sandwich my younger son made himself for the first time come across text the other day, that was clearly success.
The Big Idea
The below notion, which I came upon this summer, is living in my mind lately.
“Western cultures believe we must be alive for a purpose. To work, to make money. Some indigenous cultures believe we’re alive just as nature is alive: to be here, to be beautiful & strange. We don’t need to achieve anything to be valid in our humanness.” lanie@melatoninlau
I wonder about this definition. Is success defined solely by achievement? Or is our goal, our success, just being alive? How do our cultures, our context, our communities influence it?
In 2019, the Boston Think Tank Populace sought to find out. Their question:
How do you define success?
Their goal was to listen to conversations about success in the US. They partnered with Gallup to conduct their research on what “success” truly means to people in the US. With more than 5,000 interviews (and a really interesting ranked choice methodology), their study was nationally representative, and they dug deeply into beliefs (as deeply as one can with 5,000 individuals).
Their report revealed that most see great misalignment.1
Most in the US believe others in society define success in status-oriented and zero-sum terms, but less than 10% apply this to their personal definition.
People in the US believe others in society have a one-size-fits-all definition of success, concentrated on status (45.9%), followed by education (19.8%) and finances (8.8%).
The most important domains the US personal definitions of success are education (17.1%), relationships (15.6%), and character (15.4%).
While this is just a study of beliefs in the US, I appreciated this reminder. And I love the way this study was conducted and described.
I wonder: Has the Populace Index exposed an ancient call to return to ourselves, our relationships, the meaning in our lives… and our definitions of success that are not rooted in external pressures?2
Making Big Ideas Usable
Are these findings actually exposing a shift in culture? Are they resonant to other contexts and countries? I organized the findings3 that stood out to me into categories and added some ideas to make them usable.
I would LOVE to read YOUR reactions, insights, and impressions. 👈
Purpose (> Profit)
Meaning, purpose and community top people’s personal definitions of success. This includes financial security, but not necessarily economic mobility.4
👉Feeling valued ranks higher than receiving value.5
Make it usable:
I am interested in this one in particular, and the ways we could put it into practice. I see a clear connection with wayfinding activities. If you are not familiar, they are not career counseling or assessments that point out your “parachute”. Check out Stanford’s resources on Designing Your Life.
Meaning > Material
Character attributes are of higher importance than status attributes.
👉Being a decent person is more important than material wealth.
Make it usable:
How might we hold up mattering and belonging in schools and workplaces? The PASS Project has been examining psychosocial outcomes such as mattering, belonging, and social self-efficacy.6 These outcomes positively impact other more traditional success markers.
Connection > Climbing the ladder
Relationships top the list of people’s definitions of success. I was re-reading an 80-year-old Harvard study about the relationship between your sense of community and your health. This is real.
Make it usable:
Find ways to engage People Based Learning.
Useful > or = University
As Elisabeth Booze wrote in a previous School of Thought post, “In the US, we talk about college like it's a guarantee to success. For youth today, college is often marketed as "the" pathway - the standard against which all else is considered an "alternative." But college may be misaligned to or insufficient in providing the pillars young people need…” Is this unpacking and individualizing of a degree? What do you think?
Make it usable:
I wonder if we could really uncover ways to unbundle school to allow more of a choose your own adventure.
I keep thinking about this as I listen to the dreams of young people (including my own). Things that we can count, like material wealth or grades, are much easier to see and mark. The thing with success is that, just like learning or love, it’s not something you can quantify or easily define.
Could these revealed definitions:
guide us in designing new systems that individualize pathways?
prioritize revisiting the narrative around what success looks and feels like?
engage systems in education, work and life that expand success?
The dictionary is full of recommendations. It is especially true for terms like “success,” “worth,” “value,” — you can read those, but get to define them for yourself.
My definition of success includes pausing to recognize the power of getting joyful messages from my son about grilled cheese, and more broadly leading a balanced life, and being just as excited to go out into my day as I am to come home afterwards.
What about you?
*the title is a quote from George Carlin, comedian/genius.
Here are some ideas for prompts for a Chat in the comments. Would love to hear your thoughts.
What does success mean to you?
Do you see success metrics evolving?
How might this affect schools, work or life?
Leave a comment below or tag your comment elsewhere! #schoolofthought
I am interested in exploring this question further with international audiences. For readers, does this seem uniquely
Steve Jobs: "If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time."
Barack Obama: "The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. It's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere."
Arianna Huffington: "To live the lives we truly want and deserve, and not just the lives we settle for, we need a third metric -- a third measure of success that goes beyond the two metrics of money and power, and consists of four pillars: well being, wisdom, wonder and giving."
British politician Sir Winston Churchill describes it as, "Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm."
Richard Branson: "The more you're actively and practically engaged, the more successful you will feel."
Deepak Chopra: "Success in life could be defined as the continued expansion of happiness and the progressive realization of worthy goals."
Woody Allen: "Eighty percent of success in life if showing up."
Carrie Fisher: "There is no point at which you can say, 'Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.'
Nelson Mandela: "Everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do. Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I feel down and got back up again."
The study found that there is no “average” definition of success. Instead, everyone tends to have a highly unique, personal view of success. The most important domains in Americans' personal definitions of success are education (17.1%), relationships (15.6%), and character (15.4%).
That is, maybe not being “rich” but being financially able and stable enough to support your life-whatever that looks like to you.
There’s nothing wrong with work and ambition. Interivews revealed that the problem lies in our inability to relish any of our success. It’s the old dilemma of the arrival fallacy - after we get what we want, looking for the next goal or person to out-do is a never ending and unhealthy loop.
Mattering: the extent to which students perceive themselves to be valued. Belonging:the extent to which individuals feel connected to a group such as their peers or the community; Social self-efficacy: confidence in successfully navigating social interactions. These constructs positively impacted other more traditional success markers.
eye-opener on success.
I agree-
It’s being just as excited to be out in the world and feeling the same returning home.
it’s attuning to the right balance of every element of life. not juggling them, but tending to each of them harmoniously. ❤️